i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
