At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
