i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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