My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
