how can u be prego again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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