Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
