weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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