she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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