He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
