why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
