never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
