All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Mom said you looked used
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
