life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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