Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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