Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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