What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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