The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
