I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
