Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
