My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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