Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need a beard to bite.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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