I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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