The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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