this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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