So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
