I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
