Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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