Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
