you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
