Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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