I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
