you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
