she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
