Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
