There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
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