UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
