Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
