Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
