I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
