I never want to see another naked old woman again.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
