I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
