Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
