If i come over, it means nothing
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize