Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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