i think my tv is drunk
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
