so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
