Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
