Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
