it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my shit smells like andre
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
