i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The air was thick with penises
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
