Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
