GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
