This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
