Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
