Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
