I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
