Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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