come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
