Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
