u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
