last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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