What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
