when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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