What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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