She's JV to your varsity
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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