honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
