This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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