There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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