You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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