Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
