Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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