Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
