wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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