She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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