i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
