he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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