actually, I'm a sock model
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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