Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
