she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
