I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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