I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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