ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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