I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
