Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
