she woke up with a sticky ear
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we should paint friendship bongs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
