Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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