you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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