Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We are two peas in an std pod
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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