did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
