I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
